I failed

We grew up being told to live our dreams and as long as we work hard enough and want it bad it enough, it will happen. Today I learned that that’s not the case. Some times even when you work your ass off at your dream, you’re still not good enough.

Today I got the email telling me I didn’t get into EPIK which means I’m not going to Korea. At first I didn’t feel anything. But as I was laying in bed, getting ready to sleep, it hit me like a train. I started crying uncontrollably, my breath hitched with each sob. I felt, and still feel, a mixer of disappointment, shame and… anger. Why didn’t I get my background check done in time for the first time I applied. Maybe if I had done everything right the first time, I wouldn’t be in so much pain now. How am I going to face everyone? I’ve told everybody of my dreams only to find out that dreams aren’t real. Why did I have to get that guy interviewer? If I had gotten the same lady I might have passed. So many “what ifs” and “I wish…” that will continue to haunt me until I learn to dream and hope again.

“Dreams are always crushing when they don’t come true. But it’s the simple dreams that are often the most painful because they seem so personal, so reasonable, so attainable. You’re always close enough to touch, but never quite close enough to hold and it’s enough to break your heart.”

-Nicholas Sparks, Three Weeks With My Brother



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